Most people who have entered into any type of psychodynamic therapy have probably been told that suppressing anger is a surefire way to induce depression. Why is it then, that it is so difficult to unload our anger at the appropriate time in an appropriate manner toward the actual source of our anger? I am still stewing over some month-old anger. I discussed this particular thunder cloud of anger in a previous post. Now that I think of it, my ambivalence has fueled my anger in that case. I've been trying not to misplace my anger. As you probably know, if you have read this far, this is extremely hard to do. I'm not depressed at the moment, but thinking about my rage and discussing it in analysis is certainly taking up a lot of my time.
As far as I'm concerned, anger is the master emotion, the one that most affects inner life. But it's so disturbing that it can be very difficult to identify. Or rather, identifying its proper object can be difficult; the anger will appear clearly enough, but its object will often seem mystifying.
ReplyDeleteAs you say, it's hard work.
Chris (aka "notasetanimal").
Chris,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, thank you so much for reading this. When I decided to start writing, I imagined it as a diary of sorts for my eyes only. Perhaps not surprisingly, I've been able to write down some things I've found it hard to verbalize.
I agree that anger is the master emotion, a wonderful phrase, I might add. It certainly is the most disturbing and paralyzing for me, and the one I have the most trouble recognizing and acknowledging. For the past couple of years, I have begun to measure my progress in analysis, in part, by the time that passes before I know I'm angry. In earlier days, years could go by before I knew that I was angry. Now, it's usually a day or so before I recognize the source of my anxiety. On rare occasions, I sense the anger when it happens.
Sometimes, Dr. B. will try to guess the object of my anger. Sometimes her conjecture seems correct, but I find that I will deny her suggestion vehemently while internally accepting her analysis. But even then, I am still not sure if I agree with her or not.
Nell